Friday, 18 May 2012

This week I had a wobble

After having a really wonderful weekend that included Cybher (me time!) and Godstone farm (family & friend time), I felt like I'd got my life balance bang on! I was all happy that I'd had time for me, hanging out with blogging buddies and learning stuff to improve my blog and time with the people I love and being a mum.

Then Monday came and I woke up with a full on cold, head pounding, sinuses screaming and work to get to. My feeling that I'd got my life sorted and equal time for all things went out the window and I posted this on Facebook:

"Someone let me into this secret on how to be a good mum of 2, good wife, good employee, good housekeeper, just generally good at anything as at the moment I'm pretty shit at all the above!!!"

I'm lucky that I'm friends with lots of lovely mums who in times of need will either come up with practical solutions (get a cleaner) or just a bit of moral support - virtual hugs are always welcomed by me. Everyone reminded me that I have a wonderful family and that I'm probably putting too much pressure on myself to 'have it all'. Lower my expectations was the best advice. And I think I did do that in the early days when we'd just had Noah, but now I'm back at work there's a change in me that I don't like. I feel like I'm constantly having to prove myself. Take this week for example - instead of staying home and trying to get over the bad cold I've had, I've made myself go into work because I don't want to look bad, like I'm a slacker. When actually I'm far from it.

I know that there will be weeks when the overwhelming feeling is "I can't do this" and this is just one of them. But when you're feeling ill too the feeling magnifies by 100% and I really do question how us women do it. I like working I really do but it's putting an awful lot of pressure on me and my family. There is hardly a spare minute and everything feels like a juggling act and for someone who is used to being in control (I'm a project manager by occupation) my life feels like it's in a bit of a mess.

So my question is how do you do it? What tips do you have to keep yourself sane and feel like a good mum, wife, employee, housekeeper...there are so many roles these days that I wonder is it possible to be good at them all?

And as an extra note to this post, a really wonderful thing happened this morning that I will never forget. My lovely NCT friends sent me the most beautiful flowers (and chocolates!) and the card read:

"Just a little something to say you're fab and to make you smile"

I cannot thank them enough. It is the support of my friends and family that really helps me. I'm in no way 'suffering' in real terms but it's just so nice to have people look out for you and make gestures like this when you're feeling a bit low. Us mums should always look out for each other and spot when someone might just be needing a little boost or an ear to listen, it's tough sometimes in this parenting jungle!

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